Towards Internal Substance Abuse

'Hi, I'm still with Eric at the bar. I'm on soda water though.' I texted Anya hoping to see a reply in the lines of 'you can have a beer or two you if you want.' But I got ok for soda water instead.

There is a small patch on my chin where the hair is not growing yet and around it I left round strip of hair unshaven for past ten days with the fear shaving off the growing skin. It looks like reversed miniature crop circle and is a perfect reminder that I can bootstrap myself to some serious drinking and literally hit the ground in no time.

There are falling stars in the news all around. When I look at pizza I see James Gandolfini and his TV shows that would never be made. Most recently Anya is teaming up with CNN's Sanjay Gupta in associating drinking and Corey Monteith's handsome face which exists only on TV screens from now on. Everyone is talking about the perils of going back to the substances after a rehab. PCP was like a rehab for my drinking. Last night as I was sipping soda water I was convinced for a few seconds that drinking is bad for me because it's binary - all or nothing. I should be promoting soda water as the coolest thing make it my new drink. Learn about the brands and start talking about Suntory soda verses Kirin.

This morning I finished my 18 minutes of jump rope without any tripping or scheduled breaks. I had two more trip-free sessions in the last ten days. I'm able to do the jump rope with Bryan Adams, noisy Hoobastank or even Indian classical music. At the end of the eighteen minutes I feel high and the music sounds divine and occasionally I feel emotional with a very thin layer of moisture in my eyes. G.I.Gurdjieff's teachings encourage you to find the central feature in your psychology. I think my central feature is addiction. I can get addicted to obviously addictive things like alcohol, smoking and even good things like tomatoes and lettuce. I used to be addicted to programming which helped me learn a few languages. I was addicted to installing Linux on my computers for sometime whether I used the installed product or not. Even after I finished my PCP, I see Anya browsing the PCP web site catching up on the blogs of Larimar stars. I have a suspicion that PCP nutrition team is working with Anya through secret messages on the PCP web site to keep me on soda water so that my addiction will be directed to the endorphins released from the jumprope.

You may see me texting 'Hi Anya, I had a tough day today. I'll be stopping by for a cheeky jumprope.'

Who Needs a Microwave in Tokyo Summer

During PCP I experimented with cooking eggs in hundred ways. With the Tokyo temperatures leaning towards higher thirties I am so tempted to try breaking an egg and leaving it out in the balcony for a few minutes. I was in no mood for streaming steamed vegetables for breakfast this morning. I fixed an open sandwich of tomato and avocado on untoasted slices of wholewheat bread. It was quick and cooling to eat on a summer morning. It felt mexican because of avocado and tomato. I cooked the eggs in the pan leaving the balcony omelette for a different day.

I'm sticking to the diet. It's slightly better than the prescribed maintenance diet not taking in all the prescribed carbs. It's more close to final week's diet. I haven't stopped taking pictures of my meals.

Thanks to Peter Murray's wake up call

. Following the PCP principal, I'll write a at least a little every day instead of waiting for my masterpiece manifest in my head.

Cheers,
Cram.

Day 91

Three months ago I signed up for Peak Condition Project (PCP) - a 90 day program of eating well and working out. The daily instructions on what to eat and how to workout not only shaped by body, it transformed something inside my head. There is a daily lesson on different aspects of the training. Tomorrow is the last day of the program. I'll be missing out the instruction - not having to think what is right for me. Just following the message from the cloud instead. I was also required to write a blog often enough to keep me connected with the team and the program. I took the opportunity to hone my writing skills. I did more writing in PCP than I did in my creative writing course 'Fear of Writing' and 'Fear of Writing - Graduate Course'. I will be missing the writing terribly. This blog space is created to fill that void on day 91.

The diet in PCP is set by a team of dieticians. A quota of vegetables, carbs and protein for each meal. I set myself a rule not to repeat a meal in its entirety. I experimented with different cuisines and different vegetables. Some of them took a lot of time to prepare. In the last three to four weeks I found my optimal food. It involved slicing and steaming vegetables in a silicon steamer in a microwave. I did get to eat variety of vegetables. It took minimal effort and time. It's healthy. I enjoyed eating them. But this eating style is odd if you see it in a social setting. I forgot to mention there is no salt in the food. That makes it very hard to eat out with friends and colleagues.

I have concerns of relapsing to old ways after the program is over. I'm going to use this space to make myself promises to keep my Peak Condition forever and to report how I achieve that goal.

Cheers,
Cram.